00 First

This is a free form online journal about anything…

Then I’ll start with a sigh that everyone seems enjoying a life of changes and new beginning but here I am struggling to find myself. I’m still holding on I guess to a love lost, or maybe to a broken promise.

I still don’t know how I feel about him or if its too late to say it out. One thing I know is that this is not worth it. I can’t still imagine myself with him. Yes, I must admit that I dream about him. He was with me with my family and it feels so real that I can still believe that it was just a dream.

And so I left in sigh again, hoping that one day, maybe when I start losing the grip, the attachment to his sweetness and care, I will forget the feeling, this longing for him.

I know it will not work if I continue to talk to him so I will do the best that I can, to stop. I need to because that’s the only way I can forget about him.

He’s my first.

I’m not sure if this is love or attachment or selfishness. All I know right now, I feel that I am still holding on. Maybe I’m still hoping one day, he’ll fight for me and tell me that he was wrong and confuse that day.

But those are stupid lines and unrealistic imagination so for now I will keep on reminding myself that this is enough.

Kristine, Tinay, Tintin, please do respect yourself and learn to let go of things that you can never have.

God has much better plan for you and just wait for the right time and moments, you’ll have it, just believe.

 

 

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